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Do you worry about the type of relationship you have with your partner? You’re hearing a lot about a situationship, but are you in one?
One term you will hear a lot of on TikTok and other social media channels is “situationship.” It’s an amalgamated version of situation and relationship, defining a very specific type of relationship with a partner.
Some people love these types of relationships. Others will want to get out of them. You need to know if you’re in one at first, especially if you’re a few months or even a year into a relationship.
And yes, you could have been in a relationship and ended up in one of these different types of relationships. This could happen if you break up a lot and end up getting back together—are you both really all that committed to each other this time?
So, here are five signs that you’re in a situationship*.
You don’t have a clear definition of your relationship
First of all, do you even say that you’re in a relationship? Have the two of you put a label on it?
You’re not boyfriend/girlfriend. Or you’re not partners. Whatever term you want to use to mark that you’re in an official relationship, you’re not using it.
There’s nothing wrong with this. Not everyone wants a label, and you may be happy with the situation.
I know that I’m in a situationship at the moment, but I want it to be that way. I’m not bothered about labels, and to be honest, I don’t really want to define the relationship and then have to set up meeting of parents, discussing things with the children, and even thinking about it getting more serious. This is what I mean about some people liking these types of relationships.
There are no boundaries in a situationship
Okay, this is where my situation differs, and I’ll get to that. However, a very clear sign that you’re not in a real relationship is that there are no boundaries within it.
Think of boundaries as some rules that you wouldn’t cross. For example, you may have a rule of exclusivity. Or you may have a boundary of being able to say no and not crossing it. You should have that boundary at all times, but they are a little more communicated and appreciated in a real relationship.
As I said, this is where I differ. In any type of relationship I have, I have clear boundaries. Bad relationships taught me this. It doesn’t mean we have to be exclusive or that we have to be serious. I want to go into this to make sure that neither of us have expectations that haven’t been clearly communicated.
There are no obligations or expectations
Communication is vital in any type of relationship. This is where you talk about expectations or any obligations. For example, do you have expectations for gifts at Christmas and birthdays?
If you’re in a situationship, you likely haven’t had this conversation. And you may not even have the expectations anyway. You’re happy with just keeping things casual.
Of course, if you’re expecting gifts and you don’t get something, then you need to have a conversation with your partner about that. It could have been an oversight, but it could also be that your relationship just isn’t quite at that point.
By the way, this goes for dates, too. In a situationship, you’re likely not going on any dates. You don’t see each other out of the house all that much. This could depend on if you were friends first, though. After all, there is a huge difference between “friends with benefits” and “f**k buddies.”
They’re still seeing other people in a situationship
You may also be seeing someone else or other people. When the relationship isn’t fully defined, it leads to people still dating others. You haven’t had the exclusivity talk to make it into a relationship. Without that talk, it’s not technically cheating.
This doesn’t mean that the other person is allowed to hurt you by seeing other people. They don’t need to be casual about dropping names. I’ve had guys say “well, X did this, why can’t you?” This is manipulative and abusive. Everyone has their own boundaries and feelings, and they should be respected regardless of the type of relationship you have.
Yes, if they’re seeing other people, you can too. As long as you haven’t had that exclusivity talk, there isn’t a double standard. If they have a double standard, there’s a much bigger problem than the label you’re putting on your relationship.
You’re not integrated into each other’s lives
Have you met the parents? Has your partner met yours? What about kids from another relationship, or any friends? If you’re not integrating into each other’s lives, it’s a sign that this relationship isn’t progressing. It isn’t all that serious.
Of course, this could depend on a few other factors. You may not be comfortable introducing a new partner to children just yet, or you may have a set time frame to consider doing it in. The person may be worried about their family and how you take to meeting them—not everyone comes from a good background.
You can usually tell if it’s nerves or a problem by talking about family and friends. Does the partner shut down conversations by explaining something about their family, or do they just change the subject and ignore? The latter is a sign that they’re not that into you for this talk.
Are you stuck in a situationship? Are you happy with the relationship that you have right now? Share your thoughts in the comments below.