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Before you start dating again after a relationship breakdown, you need to do some healing. How healed do you need to be?
There is a lot of focus on healing before you start dating again. It doesn’t matter who did the breaking up. It’s important to take a step back before you jump back into the dating pool once more.
You will have faced some hardship in the relationship, even if you were the one to bring an end to it. Maybe you are dealing with the realization that there was some emotional abuse, or maybe you’re handling the pain of infidelity. You may just have realized that you were stuck in a toxic cycle and that’s been the case with every relationship you’ve been in.
So, before you jump back into dating, take time to heal yourself. Therapy is a great way to do this, whether there’s trauma or you’re just trying to figure out who you are.
You’ll hear a lot about how two broken people aren’t any good in a relationship. You’ll hear a lot about how you need to be fully healed before you start dating again. The truth is while you need to start the process, you don’t need to be at the end of it. It’s all about knowing yourself more.
Don’t bring baggage in when dating again
The one thing that you don’t want to do is to bring the baggage of a past relationship into the new one. So, the way that you do want to be fully healed is in knowing how to deal with triggers from past relationships.
Let’s say your new partner went out with friends. If you’ve been cheated on*, you may doubt the story that they’re telling you. It’s easy to start spiraling into wondering whether they’re cheating on you. You’re bringing in the baggage from the past, and you’re not ready to date yet.
Someone who is ready to date will definitely have the initial thoughts that the new partner may be lying. However, they won’t purposely go looking for the truth. They will give the new partner the benefit of the doubt until something else happens. It’s important to have trust in your partner, but this is hard when that trust has been broken with someone else.
While you’re not fully healed from the past infidelity, you’re healed enough to call yourself out on your thoughts.
Accept and mourn the loss of your relationship
The end of a relationship hurts. It doesn’t matter who did it or why. You both may just have realized that you’re better off as friends, and that’s okay. There’s still the end of a relationship that you need to deal with, though. So, you need to mourn that loss.
This takes time, and you need to do it before you start dating again. It’s important to acknowledge the end and make a plan to move forward.
This is also a great time to assess why the relationship ended*. Sure, you know the main reason at the very end, but what led to that point? This will help you figure out if you need to do something different in a future relationship.
By the way, if someone cheated on you, don’t let anyone tell you that it was your fault. Even if the relationship was struggling, there’s no excuse for the immaturity of an affair. Communicate!
Don’t listen to other people in your life
You will likely hear a lot of people say “oh, you need to find someone new to move on.” That’s not what you need. You need to heal before you start dating again. Dating is not going to help you with the healing process.
It’s hard to drown out those people. Many of them are too scared to be alone so they will jump in and out of relationships. You don’t need to do that. A successful relationship comes when you’ve taken the time to figure out who you are, what you want, and what you need.
Look at your past relationships. How often have you jumped into a new relationship within a month or two of the last one ending? Has there ever been a crossover? What type of relationships did you have in the past? There’s a reason they’re not working.
While you don’t need to be fully healed, you need to give it time to heal from the past. Don’t be afraid of being single.
You don’t need to be fully healed before you do jump back gh for success, though.
Are you struggling with moving on after a relationship? Do you wonder if it’s time to start dating again? Share your thoughts in the comments below.