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Are you jealous of his ex? Is this normal? There are a few reasons to be jealous of a former partner, and here’s what to do about it.

Being jealous of the ex* is somewhat normal. We all have these wishes that we could have been our partner’s first love, or that we could have done things first with our partner. We end up looking for experiences that are different and new to help create them.

However, before you accept being jealous of his ex as normal or acceptable, you need to look at why that is. You will also want to look at the relationship you have with your partner.

The ex is in the past, right?

While it’s normal to wish that you had done something with your partner first, the reality is that as we get older, that’s not likely the case. We all have pasts. And there are things that we have done with other partners that our current partner hasn’t done.

This isn’t really jealousy, though. Not at the root of it. It’s more of just that wishful thinking.

The truth is the ex is in the past. You’re in the present with your partner, and you can do the same things but create new memories.

That is as long as the ex really is in the past. Is your partner just recreating things that he did with his ex? This is a sign that he’s stuck on the memory of his ex and he has to recreate them with you to feel like he can enjoy it. Or it’s a sign that he’s still hung up on his ex. In this case, jealousy is normal, but it’s still not jealousy. This isn’t about your feelings for the ex but your current partner’s feelings. You need a conversation about this.

If the ex isn’t in the past, you need to talk to your partner about why. I’m not saying that he should never talk to her. If he has children with her, he needs to. But is he still bringing her up, or does he mention things that he did with her? This could mean that he’s hung up on her, and jealousy is normal. Now you need to get to the root of his issues, though.

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Are you jealous of his ex because you were the affair partner?

Did you have an affair with this man? Let’s talk about this and how jealousy plays a part in your relationship now. You’re the one he picked, so that should make you feel good, right? However, you know that he was with someone else while with you. And how do you know that he left her? What if she left him finally and you became the backup?

There is always going to be doubt in your mind. Then there’s the doubt that he’ll be faithful, right? There’s the doubt that he won’t cheat. After all, once a cheater, always a cheater.

So, the easiest person to be jealous of is the ex*. She is the one who had him first, and there is always a chance he’ll go running back to her. Even if she doesn’t want him and has made that clear, there’s a part of you that wonders.

That jealousy is going to eat at this relationship that you now have.

Now I have little respect for affair partners. I think you need to look inward if you’re willing to be a part of a relationship breakup. Step away and find someone who is single. You’ll get rid of some of that jealousy.

Are you jealous of the ex because of a past relationship?

Now let’s look into you as a person and your past relationships. So, you two got together under fair terms. Neither of you cheated, and while his ex is in the picture for the kids, she isn’t causing problems. Your partner doesn’t bring her up, and he’s trying to find new things to do with you.

So, why are you still jealous? It could be something in your past relationships that is causing you to be this way. Did you have to deal with affairs? Did you always wonder if previous partners actually loved you? It can make it hard not to see something that isn’t actually there.

Being jealous of his ex isn’t normal or fair at this point. This isn’t to say you should break up. You can work on yourself while being in a relationship, but you need to be honest with yourself and your partner. Make it clear how you feel and how you’re working on it. Allow your partner to call you out on your jealous moments and have a conversation about them at the time. A bit of understanding on both sides goes a long way.

Is he purposely making you jealous of his ex?

Something that you’ll also want to look at is his actions. Is this person trying to make you jealous of people from his past? This could be a sign that he’s hung up on the past, but it could also be a sign that he wants drama.

I never understand why people want drama in their relationships. My working theory is that they are so in tune with reality TV that they think this is normal and that it’s a sign of passion. The truth is, it’s really not. There are ways of showing passion without arguments and jealousy.

So, if your partner is trying to create a reaction, it’s a sign that he’s not secure. Maybe he’s a little jealous that you’re secure in the relationship. Or maybe he thinks that he needs to fight with you to feel something, and if that’s the case, run!

The two of you need to work together to create a positive relationship. That means getting rid of toxic traits. If one or both of you keep bringing up each other’s exes, you’re not focused on the relationship that you currently have.

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Are you jealous of his ex? Could this be for a good reason or is it retroactive? Share your thoughts in the comments below.