5 questions to ask before dating someone with kids

5 questions to ask when dating someone with kids

5 questions to ask before dating someone with kids

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As you reenter the dating world, you can end up dating someone with kids. Here are five questions you need to ask at the beginning. And you should expect them to ask you too.

The dating world can be tricky to navigate. That’s especially the case as a single mom who is reentering the space, and that’s why learning about dating relationships are sex is really important, while also the use of sex toys to improve the intimacy.

You’ll likely come across others with kids. Blending households can be scary, but you can ease some of that by asking the right questions at the start of the dating journey*. I always believe that there’s no point in trying to make something work when it’s clear you are incompatible.

These questions are ones that people are likely to ask you, too. Make sure you have some answers and be honest about your situation.

Are you the primary parent?

Who is the parent who does the most work. Sure, there may be a 50/50 split in terms of overnights, but that’s not always the way things work when it comes to other parenting decisions. Who handles all the medical appointments, and who is the one likely to be on call when it comes to problems at school?

I know far too many men who end up passing it all off onto the other parent. Their job is way too important to take time off for childcare, and I wouldn’t want to be with someone like that. That means I end up becoming the one they call on when there’s a situation; and no thank you! I like to hear when a guy is the one stepping up on their time.

And yes, this would apply to women too!

You’ll want to get an idea of what the relationship between the two parents is like with this question. Are there issues with pick up and drop offs? Do they communicate any issues with the children? Will there be issues for you as you start dating someone with kids?

What happens if the kids are disrespectful to you when dating someone with kids?

Children don’t always take their parents dating easily. While some will just make it clear that you’re not their mom but are happy for a civil relationship, others will be downright hostile. It’s important to be with someone who knows how to handle these types of situations. You don’t need to be around anyone who is rude and disrespectful to you.

How will your partner handle this? Will they brush it off like it’s no big deal, or will they have a stern conversation with their children? Will they talk to their ex to have a conversation about how things can change—and is it the ex who is causing some of the issues?

This doesn’t mean that the kids should see you as a parent. They should be respectful, though. There’s a way to keep it civil, even if you do have a personality clash. If your partner isn’t willing to step up right away, then you’re going to have more issues down the line.

MORE: 5 signs your new partner isn’t good for your kids

What would your responsibilities be when it comes to their kids?

I like to know what the partner would like when it comes to me coming into their life. Are they looking for another parent, or are they looking for a partner for themselves? This can depend on the ages of the children, but it can also depend on the parenting style or if the other parent is in the children’s lives.

When it comes to me, my kids already have two parents who will do the disciplining. I wouldn’t expect a partner to step in to do any of the parenting, although a favor here and there for pick-ups could be helpful. It would be like if my car broke down, I might ask them instead of their dad or my best friend.

So, what would your responsibilities be toward their children? Does this align with what you’re willing to offer them, and do their expectations as your partner toward your children align with yours?

What are their fears and worries when dating someone with kid?

You’ll want to get on a deeper level eventually. What are yours and their fears and worries about dating each other? What are the concerns when it comes to introducing each other to the kids?

You may find that some of the concerns sound a little irrational. However, the brain is irrationally rational. We can create these nightmare situations because of what we’ve heard from other people. It’s especially difficult with older children who may not really want another “parent” around. Or maybe you’ve not thought of the concerns at all, which can lead to going in with rose-colored glasses.

Covering what could go wrong is essential. You can then create a plan to tackle these things. You can also talk more about the personalities of the children and discuss any issues that could come up with the ex.

How will communication work when with the children?

You don’t want to introduce the kids to a new partner* too soon. I tend to work with a six-month rule, but it will depend on the vibes I get from an individual and how much I’ve seen them. Communication when you both have your own kids is essential, and you need to agree on what that will look like.

Will you limit it to texting only? Will there be phone calls when the kids go to bed? Could you get out for lunch while the kids are in school?

You’ll also need to look at what happens when you don’t have the kids. Is that going to be time solely for your relationship? This could get tricky if you both have lives outside of each other. You still want to see friends and enjoy your own passions, so you’ll need to look at a realistic way of splitting your time with each other.

MORE: Why I pay my kids for doing their chores

What questions do you ask when you’re dating someone with kids? Share in the comments below.

Alexandria Ingham is a professional writer. She predominately ghost-writes in various niches, including fitness, finance and technology Everything is fully researched and well-written. Under her own name, she writes in the technology, business, history and weight loss niches

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