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It’s time to ditch the dating apps. Being single is great, even if you are a work at home mom. Here’s why to make the most of it.
Whether it’s another breakup or a messy divorce, you want to take some time to be single. Being single is one of the most rewarding experiences if you take advantage of everything that it has to offer.
Yes, it’s scary. Sometimes it can be lonely. However, if you take the right steps to form connections with friends and immerse yourself into the community, you could find that you don’t really want a partner in your life again. Just look at the many women now who are choosing to be single—and all the men who are getting scared because they actually have to step up as equal partners now.
Spending some time being single is something I recommend to anyone who is ending a relationship. Don’t jump straight into another one—especially that affair partner!—the relationship is distracting you from learning more about who you are. As a work at home mom, especially, you want to spend some time just to yourself.
Being single gives you time to grow as a person
While you can certainly grow as a person with other people, there are some steps that you need to do alone. You need to be comfortable in the silence of your own home.
When the kids are with the other parent, spend at least one night by yourself. Read, bake, knit, do whatever you want, but sit in your own peace. It’s refreshing and recharging, but it’s also important for personal growth.
If you’re a single mom with no ex-partner to rely on, find someone who can take your children. Hire a babysitter, even if it’s just for a few hours, so you can spend time with yourself.
Date yourself to figure out what you want and need
If you jump straight into the dating pool from a relationship, you won’t really know what you want and need. Being single is a great way to date yourself. Find out what type of activities you actually like to do, or what you will need from a relationship to be happy in it.
I remember getting out of my marriage. I went straight into dating and hated every second of it. Even the guys who were full of green flags just had me hating life. This wasn’t something that I wanted to do. There was always the risk that I would miss the red flags and end up in a toxic relationship. Id’ been trauma bonded to my ex for so long that I couldn’t figure out who I was anymore.
So, I took some time out. I spent a year dating myself. I went on trips alone, and I would take myself to dinner. I’d do what I wanted and visit where I wanted. This was a great way to figure out who I was as a person again. I did try dating again, but it still wasn’t for me. I’m happier single, and there’s nothing wrong with that. If I do meet someone I want to be with, I know what I need from the relationship to stay happy.
You have more time in the day
I remember thinking “if I had another hour in the day, I would start that novel.” Okay, so I haven’t started the novel, but I do have more time in the day now that I’m single. And I use that time wisely.
Instead of writing the novel, I’ve rejoined the gym and I go to a lot of exercise classes because they bring me joy. I read more books and I volunteer in the local community, because they’re things that I want to do. I even got my licenses to sell life insurance and manage investments to bring in more income in the house.
When I was with my ex-husband, I didn’t have the time for any of this. I was made to feel bad if I didn’t spend all my time with him, despite being tired from doing 90% of the childcare at least and him being on his phone all the time. When I tried dating, people expected me to text back within the hour and would want to make plans when I already had them, and I was made to feel bad for not changing things.
Well, I have the hours I want. You’ll get that, too. Just make sure you use the time you have wisely. As a work at home mom, you can spend more time with the kids or you can get an extra project done before they come home from the other parent’s house.
MORE: 5 tips for traveling as a single mom with kids
Being single makes you more independent
Okay, so there are issues with being hyper-independent. However, that comes from childhood trauma, and I’m not going to get into that. When you’re single in a healthy way, you become independent in a good way. This is great as a work at home mom, as you get to show your children how to do things alone. If you have daughters, you know that this is one of the most valuable lessons in life.
Since being single, there are things that my ex-husband would do that I’ve had to do instead. I had to pick up cooking again because he claimed that he was the better cook and wouldn’t really let me do it. Well, it turns out that I make better meals than him. Even the kids agree.
There are plenty of things that I’ve done around the house that usually I would have left him to do. Sometimes I do end up calling in a professional, but things like clearing out the U-bend in the sink is something I’ll do myself.
You’ll be more adjusted to deal with difficult situations. You get used to getting through those stressful situations, and they tend to be less stressful because you don’t have someone stressing you out because of their lack of help or their panic. You do things on your time and how you want.
You can end up saving more money
My emergency savings account is so much healthier than it was when I was married. I married a spender, and while I thought he got it under control, he really didn’t. Now he’s someone else’s problem.
Meanwhile, I’m able to save to take the kids to Disney World, and I can make sure there’s money should something happen in my work. I have the opportunity to make investments in my business that I couldn’t before.
I may have dropped to one income, but somehow I’ve ended up with more money. Part of that has come from having more time. As a work at home mom, I can spend a little more time on things in my business. This allows me to grow my income a little better, so I end up with more coming in than I did when my ex was around.
It’s also because there is one less adult spending the money. Sure, the kids still cost money, but they don’t cost as much as the adult who spends $300 on a hat that he really doesn’t need when you’re trying to save for a deposit on a house!
I won’t lie, though. Finances can be tough, especially in this economy. It’s important to budget and you may even want to do some couponing. However, dating is going to end up costing you money, especially if you like to pay for yourself to avoid the “you owe me for dinner” conversations. Being single works out cheaper.
MORE: 5 tips to be a great work at home mom
Are you dipping your toes into the dating world? What do you love about being single right now? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
