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If your friends are on at you to find love, you may feel pressured to try. However, there are benefits if you remain single.
Everywhere you look, there are people in love. Or at least, they seem in love. One thing to remember is that you don’t know what’s really going on in a person’s life. You have no idea what someone is like behind closed doors.
As young girls, we’re always told that we should grow up, get married, and have kids. Preferably in that order, but sometimes the kids and marriage happen a different way around. The focus though is on being a traditional woman. Not everyone has that sort of mindset, though.
Now sure, I did get married and have kids. I wouldn’t change my kids at all. I love them. However, now that I’m divorced, I’m loving the single life. There is pressure from others to get back into a relationship, but it’s simply not something I want.
I took time to look into whether it was normal to remain single. It totally is, and looking at why helped me find reasons it’s healthier for me to remain single. These could be the reasons for you to stay single.
You don’t have to compromise with anyone
If you like things your own way, you’ll probably find that the idea of compromising on things is overwhelming. It can set off the anxiety. Why even bother with those feelings?
For the last year, I’ve done what I want, when I want. Okay, the days I have my kids, it’s all about them. The days I don’t have them, I get full control over what I want to do. There’s no longer a need to ask my ex if he can take some time off work to go on vacation. There’s no need to ask him if he wants to take a trip to a fairground with the kids. I just do it.
I can’t believe how much I didn’t do because of him. He was always too tired or didn’t feel like it. Then he would complain we never did anything together. Well, now he can be his boring self and I’ll get on with what I want to do.
There were other compromises I had to make. There was furniture in the house that I didn’t like, and we’d have dinners that I wasn’t necessarily a fan of (but we weren’t allowed to have anything that he didn’t like). Well, now I don’t need to do any of that compromising.
You can be more successful at work when you remain single
If you remain single without kids, this is even more likely. However, even with kids, you can end up more successful at work.
For me, I’ve managed to build my business back up the way it used to be before my ex created problems for me. I don’t even work long hours, either. But I get to work how I want—the way my brain helps me work best.
I’ve also been able to do other qualifications to get new licenses. I’m now licensed to sell life insurance and I’m well on my way to get my mutual funds license for investments. This is huge, because I would have never been given the time with my ex around.
By being single, I ended up with more time on my hands. The days I don’t have the kids around, I can focus on work.
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You can be a more present parent
Just like work, I’m a better mom to my kids. This is something you can gain by remaining single* when you break up with the other parent. You have time away from everyone, giving you a chance to recharge and plan for some fun later.
Since I am self-employed, I make sure that I plan my week so most of my work is on the days I don’t have my kids. When it comes to the days I do have them, I can spend more time with them.
This is something my children have noticed. They say I’m happier around them. Before, when my ex put all the childcare on me, I was rundown and exhausted. I just thought it was normal. We’re told that parents are exhausted. But it turned out that it was just that I was doing 90% of the workload. Not anymore!
This is part of the reason I won’t date anyone with kids if I do decide I no longer want to be single. I will look for someone single or with grown-up kids so I don’t have to deal with being tired all the time.
You’ll be a healthier person
When you date someone, you end up getting comfortable. This leads to gaining some weight as you eat more and exercise less.
There is also the factor of stress. When I was in my marriage, I suffered from all sorts of health problems. I had migraines all the time. I’ve barely had a migraine since being single*. The ones I have had came at times of stress in work or with the kids. My ex was clearly triggering most of them.
I also exercise more and I eat more healthily than I did when the ex was around. I recently started drinking protein shakes made with plant protein powder. I have more time to join all types of yoga streaming. I don’t feel like someone is judging me for what I do. And I don’t feel all that guilty if I break my healthy eating for a day my grabbing McDonalds or KFC. I get to enjoy the food without all the negative emotions around me.
Physically and mentally, I’m a much healthier person. You can be too.
You’ll keep your friends when you remain single
I can’t tell you the amount of friends I lost while I was married. Okay, part of that was because I moved a lot. But I wouldn’t have moved so much had I not been married to someone who was constantly chasing the next high every two years. That was really why we moved so much.
Now I have an awesome friend and my social circle is growing again. I have more time for these friends. There’s no longer the case of “let me check if he has anything planned,” or “sorry, he’s being a dickhead again.”
The only reason I’ll say no now is when I have the kids. It’s the reason I’m so glad my best friend has a child around the same age as mine. We get to hang out while the kids are hanging out, and she also understands if I say the kids just want me for a bit (and vice versa!)
Not all friends get that. They don’t always like that kids come first, but that’s a problem with being a single mom…and really, they’re not the friends for you. However, if you have kids, you possibly have some sort of custody arrangement and you can still hang out with your friends now and then. You’ll find your bond with them strengthens without a partner getting in the way.
MORE: 5 tips for dealing with stress as a WAHM
Are you looking for love? Do you want reasons to remain single? What have you found that’s benefitted you in your single life? Share your thoughts in the comments below.