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Making a decision to end your marriage isn’t easy. Here are five signs it’s time for it to end, and how to start the process.

I don’t believe anyone should just end their marriage without talking to their partner* first. Well, there are a couple of instances, and I will share them in this post. Most of the time, a marriage is something to work on.

There are times it’s difficult staying with someone. Instead of just checking out, you owe it to yourself, your spouse, and your children if you have them to talk about it. Communication is key for any successful relationship, even when it means bringing up bad things.

So, if you see that the love is disappearing, talk about it. Share your side, listen to the other side, and both of you work on it together, maybe spend some time together, have dates once a week and have some intimacy, you can even visit sites like ehocams.com to add more spice into the relationship.

There are times that you should end your marriage, though. Here are five signs it’s time.

Times you need to end your marriage

When there’s abuse in the marriage

I’m not talking just about physical abuse here. I also mean emotional and financial. Abuse comes in all sorts of forms, but they don’t all have physical signs. There is no shame in being a victim, but you do need to get out.

This is one of those cases where I do think you should just end your marriage. There is no need for a discussion when it comes to abuse. Get out where it’s safer.

It is harder with emotional and financial abuse. However, you deserve to be happy. Find your support system and get out as soon as you can.

When your partner cheats on you

Cheating is abuse*. I don’t care what people say. That’s what it is. Cheating includes lying, manipulation, and gaslighting. It puts the victim spouse at risk of health problems, even if there is just one affair partner involved. There’s very little chance the affair partner has disclosed everything about themselves.

So, this is one of those times when I say just get out. End your marriage as soon as you find out about the affair.

I do advise doing this carefully, though. Get the evidence you need especially if you’re in an at-fault divorce state. You’ll also need to get things set up so you can just leave. Have your support system, have somewhere to go, and find a good divorce lawyer.

MORE: Why you need to make time for yourself in your relationship

When your spouse is unwilling to make some changes

You’ve come to your partner about problems within the marriage*. This could be lack of attention, lack of intimacy, or even just lack of support in the house.

In a good relationship, your spouse will listen to you and look at some compromise. If intimacy is a problem, you and your spouse could come to some sort of agreement on how to change that. If you’ve discussed a lack of support around the house, your spouse could look at what they could do to support you.

This isn’t designed to be an attack on them, by the way. They may notice that there are things you don’t do. The two of you will need to talk together to work on your marriage.

But what if your spouse isn’t willing to listen? What if they don’t see a problem? Well, now it’s a sign to get out. They’re not willing to be a partner. You can’t expect to get all your own way, but there should be a discussion and some compromise. If they can’t do that, the marriage is broken.

When you and your spouse provoke each other

Is your marriage about working together? Do you like to provoke each other for an argument to feel like there’s some sort of emotion? Do you need drama to be “happy?” This is a clear sign that you don’t have a healthy marriage.

You both need to respect each other. It’s important to be able to talk to each other. You need to be able to work toward clear goals. And you really should like each other!

If you resent each other and you just want to provoke a reaction, there’s no point in staying together. It’s a clear sign that this marriage isn’t working. End it before you both hurt each other even more. Consulting with divorce lawyers can provide guidance on navigating the process smoothly. Contact the law office of Healy Eliot + McCann to hire an attorney who will guide you throughout the whole process of divorce.

When changes aren’t working

There are times when you try to make things work. You may both agree to marriage counselling. Maybe you both make compromises, and you try to make each other happy. You’re working on intimacy, and you’re trying to find your way back to each other.

Sometimes, none of it works. You continue to drift apart. You resent each other, or maybe you just don’t trust each other. There are times that these are individual issues, but they could be issues within the marriage due to the past. There’s nothing wrong with just admitting that you’re not right for each other.

If you’ve tried and things aren’t working, it can be time to end your marriage. The most mature thing could be to end things. That doesn’t mean you’re ending things for good. Maybe in two decades you realize that you still love each other and there are now ways to make it work. For now, it’s just not working and you both deserve to be the happiest versions of yourself.

MORE: 5 signs you’re not ready for a relationship

Are you struggling with your marriage? Share your thoughts in the comments below and get some support that you need.