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It’s okay to start dating and then realize that you’re not ready for it. In fact, it’s healthy to realize that this isn’t the right time and to pull yourself out of the dating game. Here are five signs you’re just not ready for a relationship.
Too many people get into relationships before they’re ready for it. I know so many people who just don’t know how to be single. They go from relationship to relationship, hoping that things will be different but finding themselves facing many of the same problems each and every time.
These relationships* then turn out to be toxic. They hurt to get out of, and they take a toll on the mental health.
It’s time to take a step back and focus on yourself. Are you really ready to be in a relationship? Here are five signs that you’re not ready for a relationship and you still need to do some work on yourself.
You focus on too many bad points of past relationships
How often do you find yourself thinking “that’s what my ex did”? It’s so easy to remember all the negatives from the past relationship. You don’t want to face them again, so you want to get rid of the problems immediately.
Or maybe you have so much trauma and baggage to unpack from the past relationship. You could end up living in fear of the other shoe dropping instead of being able to enjoy the new relationship for what it is. This takes a toll on the relationship, as your partner will get fed up with you bringing up topics or not fully being invested.
You need to deal with the downsides of the last relationship. Heal from the trauma and let go of the past so that you can move forward.
Your own life makes it clear you’re not ready for a relationship
One of the things that told me I really didn’t want a relationship was how busy my life had become. After splitting from my ex, the time with my kids became all about them. After all, I saw them less than I used to, so I wanted to spend all my time with them.
In my spare time, I would hang out with friends, do some work, head to the gym, and do the things that I wanted to do. When it came to dating, I didn’t really want to make sacrifices in what I wanted to do. The idea of the date didn’t make me excited in the way that working on my business did.
That’s still the same today. I’m not going to take time out of work or skip a day at the gym for someone I’m just not really interested in.
If you’re too busy to date, then it’s a sign that you’re not ready for it. Or maybe that you just don’t want to do it. Either reason is perfectly acceptable, but you need to be honest with yourself about it.
You’re expecting something to change in your life
Are you planning on moving to another state or province in the next month or so? If so, you’re really not ready for a relationship*. This is a huge change that you shouldn’t pull someone else into.
There are many other big changes that could happen. Maybe you’re going through the divorce right now, and you’re expecting some big court dates that will take up a lot of time. Maybe you’re making a move to running your own business, or something big is happening with your family.
If you have a lot of other things going on in your life, it’s time to step back from the dating world. A new partner deserves some of your attention.
You’re not ready for a relationship until you communicate better
If you’re not a good communicator, don’t get into a relationship. This is a huge sign that you’re not ready for it, and you need to do some work on yourself first.
Communication is key* to a successful relationship. If you can’t do it, then you need to learn how to. This can be learned with a partner, but not all new partners are going to want to go through that with you. It’s more for when you’re a little more established if you realize there’s a communication problem during the relationship.
When starting out, you can learn how to be a better communicator. You can then work on finding someone who has the same skills, making sure your relationship starts off in the right way.
You just don’t want a relationship right now
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be single. In fact, that’s the real reason I realized I’m not ready for a relationship. I didn’t want to make sacrifices because I’m perfectly content with the way life is.
So, it’s time to be honest with yourself. Take a look at your life right now. Is this something that you want to change? If you want to change it, why? Are you doing it for you, or because people keep telling you that you should be in a relationship? If it’s for the latter, take a step back and do what makes you happy.
What if you don’t want a relationship but you want some sort of companionship? Maybe you want a friend with benefits. There’s nothing wrong with that but be upfront about it. Make it clear that you’re not looking for anything serious. There are other people out there who want the same!
Are you ready for a relationship? Are these signs hitting home? Share the signs you noticed that tell you you’re not or you are ready.