Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links, which means I earn a commission at no expense to you. Affiliate links are marked with the asterisks (*)
Something I have done for my own mental health is to set strict boundaries with people in my life. That includes family members. It wasn’t easy to do, but it was necessary.
There were certain signs that stood out for me that made it clear I needed to set them. Some people have tried to push those boundaries since, but nothing has changed to warrant a change.
Not sure if it’s time for you to set strict boundaries for people in your life? Here are five signs that it could be.
You can’t trust the person in your life
Trust is extremely important to me. If I feel like I can’t trust a person, I will cut them out of my life. This was even before I found out my ex-husband was having an affair. I’ve cut friends out of my life completely because they went behind my back or told people something I said in confidence.
Well, I’ve had to do it recently with my sister. I found out that she was giving my ex a pass for his affair. She has made it clear that she doesn’t believe me about the abuse. I now can’t trust what she says to me or what she will do with anything I may say. I’m already dealing with enough issues with my ex. I don’t need her causing more problems.
If you can’t trust someone in your life, why do you keep them in it? It causes you more anxiety as you try to figure them out.
Some people you can’t completely cut out. You may have to work with them. That doesn’t mean they need to know anything personal about you, though. Create a boundary and stick to it.
You feel anxiety, anger, or another negative emotion when you think of someone
How do you feel when you think about a person? If it’s a bunch of negative emotions, there’s a reason for it. You may have been hurt by that person in the past, or they may have recently done something that has you questioning things. You’ll need to set strict boundaries to help you through these feelings. Avoid negative people who will hurt your feelings and cause you anxiety. You need to unwind and try to take sleep tabs. Check over here and see the benefits when you take a sleeping pill. Also, consider using medical marijuana with proper guidance from your doctor. Sarasota residents can get a medical marijuana card with DocMJ. If you’re one of them, you’re lucky to have one. If you have a green thumb, go to https://ilgm.com/ to learn about growing your own marijuana.
When I set boundaries, I make it clear that I’ve done it and why. It’s then up to the other person to change their actions if they want to be allowed back into my life.
Funnily enough, people don’t change and it makes it clear what they actually thought of me. They don’t even talk to me to even explain or try to deny what I’ve said, again making things clear to me.
There’s no need to have negative energy in your life. Set boundaries and start to heal mentally.
Set strict boundaries if you can’t say no
I’m a people pleaser. It comes from abuse and bullying. I want to feel like I fit in, and the way to do that is to say “yes” to people.
Well, I’ve changed that. I found it very hard to say no to people, but one of my boundaries is to do just that.
If I don’t want to go out, I will say no. If I don’t want to speak to someone right now, I’ll say no. I try not to make excuses for why I’m saying no, but that will depend on who I’m speaking to and the situation.
Give yourself permission to say no. Those who truly respect you will accept that sometimes you just want to be alone or you have other plans.
You can’t tell people what you really need
Can you be honest with someone about what you need from them? If you can’t, it could be time to set strict boundaries.
Not being honest with people about what you need will just negatively affect your mental health. You’ll start to resent them for not realizing what you need, or you’ll resent the way you think they will feel if you do say something.
I used to be like this with my ex-husband all the time. I couldn’t tell him how I actually felt or what I needed. He would belittle me or judge me. When I did try to tell him, I’d get lines like “it’s not all about you” or “it’s cute that you think that, but that’s not how you really felt.” Something along those lines. I decided it wasn’t worth saying anything to him if he wasn’t going to take me seriously.
That’s happened with others. When I have spoken up, I’ve either been pushed to one side or ignored. So, what’s the point? Well, it’s signs that these people don’t actually care about me. As a one-off if they were going through something, I could understand. But every single time? It tells me a lot more about them.
So, if you feel like you can’t tell people what you really need, listen to that voice. Set some boundaries and put your mental health first.
They aren’t respecting the boundaries you currently have in place
How do people react when you do put in a boundary? Let’s say you tell someone that you work for a set amount of hours per day and that you can’t talk to them. What do they do? Do they then keep calling and get angry at you for not answering? Do they try to play the victim?
If they get angry that you’ve stuck to a boundary you set, that says a lot about them. It means they don’t respect the boundaries that you do have. This can make you feel bad. And that’s what they want to happen.
So, you need to set strict boundaries. You need to be firm with whatever you’ve decided to do.
I’ve made it clear to my sister that I can’t have her in my life after what she said to my ex. Rather than her talk to me about it, she’s gone to our mom to get me to change boundaries. Nothing has changed, although she’s decided that she’s not said what I have clear evidence of. So, she’s lied and expected me to just remove my boundary.
Not going to happen.
Things have to change for me to change my boundaries.
What do you struggle with when it comes to your mental health? Do you struggle with toxic people in your life? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
The Set Boundaries Workbook* is a great place to start if you struggle to set boundaries.