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Are you ready to move in with a new partner? Not sure if you are ready for it or not? Here are five signs it’s time.
Moving to the next stage of your relationship with a new partner can be tricky. This is especially the case if you’ve been burned in love in the past, or you have children from a previous relationship. You don’t want to move too fast, but you also don’t want to wait any longer than you really need to. So you need to figure out if it’s the right time to move in with a new partner.
I can’t say “wait a year” or “wait two years” to help with this. The truth is that there isn’t a set time frame that works for everyone. It’s all about feelings and your own situation.
What I will say is don’t move in with someone out of necessity. This is something that you should want to do rather than feel like you need to do. Of course, finances are going to play a part, but these are five signs that are more important.
When it’s time to move in with a new partner
When everyone in the house is ready
If you are on your own, you only need to think about yourself. Maybe you have older children who no longer live with you. In that case, you’re really only considering for your own needs. However, if you have younger children, you need to make sure they’re ready to move in with someone else, too. The same applies to your partner if they have children.
It’s essential that everyone is on board with the idea. Everyone needs to feel comfortable around everyone who is going to live in that house. It doesn’t matter if it’s full-time or only for a few nights each week. If one person isn’t comfortable, it’s going to make for a difficult move-in situation. There will be tension that doesn’t need to be there.
Before moving in, check on why people in the family unit aren’t ready for it. This could be as simple as someone not really liking change, but it could also be linked to something like a future step-sibling bullying one of your children, and in that case, your children need you on their side.
It’s also okay for children to change their minds. They may initially be comfortable with the idea and then start thinking more about it and decide they’re not ready for it. You want them to speak up before you move in with each other so you can stop the move before it’s too late.
You’re living together anyway
You’ll hear a lot of stories about how a partner came over one night and then just never left. They ended up giving up their lease or selling their home to move in with a new partner. It just made sense.
If you’re already living together in terms of the amount of time one of you is at the other’s house, then why not consider moving in with each other? You already do life together, so it’s not like it’s going to be that much of a change. Hiring home packers and movers makes your moving process so much easier.
When you don’t already practically live together, you’ll want to look into doing a trial living together situation. This is the best way to see if everyone in the house gets along well and to see those annoying habits that everyone has.
MORE: When should you start dating after a divorce?
You’ve talked about the future
You don’t want to move in with a new partner without having talks about the future. It doesn’t matter if this is a first relationship or a third or fourth after an initial divorce. It’s important that you are both on the same page when it comes to what you want to gain from the relationship and from life.
Talks of the future include children (any more children? Just the children you have?), financial plans, career plans, retirement plans, travel plans, and much more.
It’s important to look out at what your partner is doing while you have these conversations. My ex-husband used to plan a fake future with me. He’d share what he wanted when I did and it always matched what I would like. There would only be a handful of times I’d catch him saying he’d like to do things that were just for him, including the idea of volunteering to go to Mars for a fictional colonization mission. The more I look back, the more he pretended to want what I wanted because I was his narcissistic supply*. Now he can do that with his affair partner.
It’s hard to see the red flags when someone is creating a fake future. Pay close attention to what they’re showing you while you’re with them.
You want to be with this person
Do you want to move in with someone to be with them, or because you think you can change them? Maybe you go to their house every weekend and get annoyed by their lack of cleaning in the kitchen. You think that if you move in with this partner, you can change them into the kitchen cleaner that you prefer.
That’s not going to happen. All that’s going to happen is that you end up with more stress as you attempt to live with their bad habits.
Everyone has bad habits. When you move in with someone, you need to be willing to embrace those bad habits. If you’re not willing to do that, then you’re not ready to move in with them.
You’ve had a big fight and made up
All couples fight. I don’t care what anyone says. A couple that doesn’t have an argument is either lying or isn’t actually in that much of a healthy, stable relationship. The difference between a healthy fight and a relationship-breaking one is the reconciliation.
As humans, we all have our own life experiences, opinions, and views on the world. We won’t get along about everything, and there is a chance that there is something big that divides you. Now, two people with differing views can get along. Sometimes, you need to agree to disagree completely. Other times, you need to compromise.
The thing here is to know how to compromise, fight, and makeup. It’s important to be able to move forward from the disagreement. Sometimes, that will require a subsequent discussion, and other times, it will be something that neither of you brings up again because it’s been dealt with.
Don’t move in with a new partner until you’ve had one of these fights that could end a relationship. When you move in together, small things become much bigger. If you have the fight while you’re just living together, it can feel like moving in was a bad idea or it can make you feel like you need to just accept it because you can’t give up yet. If you do break up, it’s going to be so much harder to manage when you’ve just moved in.
If you have children, I’d actually look at not introducing children to the partner until you’ve had one of these fights. That way, the first fight doesn’t break up the relationship and upset all the children involved too.
MORE: Why you shouldn’t combine finances with a new partner
When did you know it was the right time to move in with someone? Share your thoughts in the comments below.