When it’s not wrong to ghost someone you’re talking to

Why it's okay to ghost someone

When it’s not wrong to ghost someone you’re talking to

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In the majority of cases, it is wrong to ghost someone. Tell them why you’re not going to respond to messages. However, I will say there are times it’s best and I’ve done it in the past.

Ghosting someone is when you just stop responding to messages without any sort of explanation. We’ve probably all had it happen at some point in our lives, even before it was given a name. And it is a hurtful thing to do.

If you’ve been on the receiving end of being ghosted, you know how much it can hurt. It’s confusing trying to figure out what you did to deserve this. And most of the time, I will say that a person deserves a simple explanation.

However, there are times that you need to ghost someone. I’ve done it three times in the last two years, and I will say that it’s always been to men. Here’s why I’ve ghosted people in the past.

I don’t feel safe with how they’ve reacted

I’ll look at how a person talks about other important people in their lives. How do they talk about their parents, their siblings, and even their exes? This is important as there’s a chance I’ll become an important person in their life at some point. I want to see how they could talk about me.

Then I’ll look at how they react around strangers. How do they treat waitstaff? How do they treat me when out in public and in private messages? How have they reacted to some sort of problem or rejection?

If something makes me feel unsafe, I take a step back. I won’t immediately ghost someone, but I will take a step back and look for other red flags that leave me feeling unsafe.

Cutting off communication with someone involves rejection. If they haven’t dealt with rejection or some sort of change well before, I’m not going to be comfortable dealing with their reactions when I reject them. As women, we have to think of our own safety before the feelings of others, especially (mostly) men who struggle with rejection.

This was Guy #1 for me.

Their reactions when they think I ghost someone

I’ll also look at reactions to situations. This could be not responding to a message right away. I work a lot and when I have my children, I am with them constantly. I’ll message in my free time, and that could mean a whole day goes by.

I’ve had one guy view this as me ghosting him. He was offended that I went from 10 a.m. until 8 p.m. to message him. This was after me saying I had a day of work and my kids that night.

If he’s going to react so negatively when I’ve already said what’s going on, how is he going to react to rejection? I don’t want to know. This wasn’t just one occasion before I ghosted him, by the way. It happened one more time after that and there were other red flags in between. It all goes back to me not feeling safe.

This was Guy #2 for me.

When I’ve found out they lied to me

I had one guy who sounded great. He seemed to understand my busy work schedule, and he seemed to get it that I wanted time with my children. When we met, things went well.

Then I started to sense some red flags. Things he told me in person didn’t match up to things he told me online or through text message. It was clear there were lies.

I don’t deal with liars. That is my ex-husband’s big thing and I refuse to deal with that again.

However, it’s not small white lies or cases where it’s just plain forgetfulness. I can see the differences between them. It turned out this guy had a big lie: he was with someone else but told me he was single.

Hmm, nope! I am not the other woman. The minute I found out about this, I cut contact. I didn’t even tell him. That’s when his true colors showed and I got a string of text messages calling me all sorts of names. I just blocked the number and moved on.

So, if there is cheating or a big lie, it’s okay to ghost someone. In fact, it could end up being safer for you. Safety isn’t just physical safety, either. It’s emotional and mental safety. Put you first.

This was Guy #3 for me.

And yes, I’ve had guys and gals ghost me. Personally, I just move on. I don’t have time for a lot of people, so I don’t care if they drop off the face of the Earth.

MORE: When should you start dating after divorce?

When would you ghost someone? Is it ever okay to do that? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

Alexandria Ingham is a professional writer. She predominately ghost-writes in various niches, including fitness, finance and technology Everything is fully researched and well-written. Under her own name, she writes in the technology, business, history and weight loss niches

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